well, i possibly have fixed it (hope i didnt speak too soon) and hopefully this is helpful to others.
Wasted spark made it easier for the cranking to catch (almost immediately) but i still had the issue of that completely RANDOM sync error which makes the car stall. And the impossible starting after running the car up to any relatively warm temperature.
then i read this: http://www.diyautotune.com/tech_article ... _index.htm
That should seriously be in the manual somewhere now. That is important information. I switched the crank signal to falling edge, left the 2nd trigger as raising. And bang, started up within 1 second during cranking. Then after it was very warm and i was adjusting the #1 tooth angle (you must do this after changing between raising/falling etc) by mistake i input 720deg and it stalled. I changed it back to the correct value, burned, reset, then cranked.
it started immediately.
I will check this more tomorrow and let everyone know, hope this may be helpful to others.